Etiquette Tips for the Wedding Guest

Wedding season is officially upon us! While I may have written an entire wedding etiquette book for the couple and their loved ones and families, we mustn't forget that the guests are also an important part of that special day. Here are my top etiquette tips for the wedding guest. 

1. RSVP in a timely manner 
   I can’t tell you how many times people reach out to me to ask what they should do when the requested response date has passed, and they are still awaiting quite a few responses! Sending your response in a timely manner is a simple way to display good manners and respect to the couple and hosts. If you know right away whether or not you are able to attend, it’s best to send your response early on not only to help with the couple’s planning, but also to make your life easier so you don’t forget at a later date. 

   Tip: if you use a paper planner or calendar, put the response card in your planner on a day that is a few weeks prior to the response deadline.  

   If you replied “yes,” honor that response to the best of your ability. Yes, life happens and you may not be able to make it due to an unforeseen circumstance or illness. If you find yourself in this situation, contact the person who is collecting the responses first. You want to do everything in your power not to disturb the couple so close to their wedding day. If the couple is an incredibly close friend or family member, a phone call or text message may be necessary. You will want to be apologetic and provide a valid reason as changing your response at the last minute is not ideal. However, be careful with over-explaining as you don’t want to make this about you! Finally, plan to send a gift in your absence.

   Tip: Make sure you are filling out the response card correctly and completely! Oftentimes, people will leave out their name, actual response, and/or any additional information such as dietary restrictions or menu choices.
   
   

2. Read your envelope with care 
   Your envelope, if addressed correctly, will indicate exactly who is invited to the wedding. If your envelope does not state “and guest” you were not invited to bring a plus-one. If the envelope has only invited you and your partner and it does not say “The Smith Family” your children were not included on the invitation. 

   Tip: If you are invited to bring a plus one, choose your guest very carefully! Not only are they a representation of you, but they should also be someone you can have fun with. Do not expect your guest to contribute to the wedding gift as they are not responsible for that. They may offer to pitch in which is a kind gesture, but it is not required nor expected.
   
   

3. Respect the dress code
   Weddings are fun events to dress to impress! Most importantly, you want to be respectful of the specified dress code for each event. If you need help determining what to wear within a certain dress code, here is my blog post dedicated to that topic. Additionally, we want to avoid wearing white to a wedding as well as red and black in some cultures. Even if it has a print, or doesn’t look “bridal,” I would still err on the side of caution. This does not apply to the wedding only, avoid wearing white to ANY wedding-related event as many brides will choose to wear white to their engagement party, shower, welcome party etc.   
   
   

4. Avoid going to the couple directly with questions if you can
   As you know, the couple is juggling many, many things at once as their wedding approaches. A respectful guest will do everything they can to have a question answered in another way or by someone else before they approach the couple. If the couple has a wedding website, look to the site for information. The answer to your question may be there. If not, reach out to the hosts or other friends and family members who you know are invited to the wedding.
   
   

5. Arrive on time for every event 
   You do not want to be the person who has to miss the ceremony because you did not make it on time! This applies to every event related to the wedding. Being punctual is good etiquette, afterall.
   
   

6. Be respectful at every event 
   Here are some basics: be mindful of your phone use (is the couple requesting an unplugged ceremony?), watch your alcohol consumption, respect different cultural or religious aspects of the wedding that may be included, follow the seating chart, and participate in the celebration!
   
   

7. Avoid bringing a large gift to the actual wedding 
   Traditionally speaking, you would not want to walk into someone’s wedding with a toaster oven! Instead, have the gift sent to their home prior to the wedding. It’s important to shop the couple’s registry if they have one to ensure you are giving them something they want and/or need. If you are choosing to give a monetary gift in an envelope, you can absolutely bring that with you to the wedding! 

   Tip: If you are unable to attend the wedding, you may want to consider sending a gift in your absence.
   
   

8. Make time to thank the hosts 
   If you are able to catch the host(s) for a moment at any of the wedding events, be sure to thank them for including you in such a special celebration.
   
   
   

Photo Credits: Pinterest