Teaching Etiquette at Home
A question I receive quite often is “What are the best ways to incorporate lessons about manners and etiquette with my children at home?” I recently spoke to NBC News about how early you can begin the conversation about these topics at home, and my suggestion was beginning with greetings and gratitude with your children as early as 2-3 years old. Beyond this, let’s discuss my recommendations for incorporating lessons about good manners and proper etiquette with your children (of all ages) at home.
Lead by example
This is my number one recommendation! It is my desired teaching method for any age and any topic, quite frankly. Many people view etiquette as a strict set of rules and teach the topic through correction. In my experience teaching over the last three years, I find that leading by example and empowerment are much more impactful than simply correcting. Your children are watching your every move, so you never know what they will pick up as it pertains to good manners and etiquette.
Explain the “Why”
Children want to know why! Why do they need to behave like this at the table? Why do they have to say “excuse me” when they need something from someone? Tap into their curiosity as an opportunity for a lesson. Take this time to explain that good manners and etiquette are a way for us to display our awareness, kindness, and respect of and to others.
Have your children set the table
The repetitive activity of setting the table will help them remember the proper way to do it. If you have multiple children, you can give them each their own responsibility and then rotate. Giving them this important job will make them feel proud to accomplish something, and will instill the purpose of a thoughtful dinner time (or any meal that works for your family’s schedule) ritual.
Write thank you notes on a regular basis
Thank you notes are a fabulous way to teach your children how to show their appreciation and perform an act of kindness. I always ask my young students, “Could you imagine how happy someone would be to receive a hand written note from you? Don’t you think that would make their day?” If they are too young to write them themselves, allow them to sign their name, color a picture, etc. so they are sitting with you through the process and beginning to understand the reason behind the action.
Take advantage of your mealtime conversations to talk about good manners
Sitting together for a meal is a wonderful time to discuss manners with your family. Try round table discussions and have everyone participate, including you! You can ask questions like “What was one way everyone showed kindness today?” or “How did you practice good manners throughout your day?”
Speak about manners as superpowers
Instead of simply teaching your little ones to use please, thank you, and excuse me or that they should put their napkin on their laps during their meals, speak about manners as if they were superpowers. “It’s time to use your superpower to sit up straight!” “It’s time to use your kindness superpower to….” I have learned from my student’s parents that their children are so excited to show off their superpowers at meal times, playdates, school, and beyond.
“Quiz” them using real life examples
When you are out and about and observe something specific, ask your children how they might handle various situations. For example, when you are at the playground and see a child sitting by themselves, ask your child what they would do in this situation using their “best manners.”
Incorporate books about manners into reading time
A few of my favorites are:
