Thank You Notes: A Q&A
Old Soul Etiquette’s slogan and mission is to bring an intentional sparkle back to a lost art.® Handwritten correspondence certainly falls under this “lost art” category and has taken more of a backseat in our fast-paced world. Yes, we can simply text or email someone to thank them, but there are few things as thoughtful and special as sending a handwritten thank you note. It feels just as lovely to write and send one as it does to receive one. It’s about taking the extra step to truly display your gratitude towards someone. I strongly believe that we should not only continue writing and sending thank you notes, but also encourage our younger generations to do the same. Let’s answer your most commonly asked questions about thank you notes and thank you note etiquette, shall we?
Q: When is it most appropriate to send a handwritten thank you note?
A: It is appropriate to send a thank you note after someone gives you a gift, hosts you at their home or at a venue (or given along with a host gift), does a personal favor for you/ was helpful in someway, makes a connection for you, gives you professional advice or assistance, acts as a mentor, or after a job interview.
Q: Do I need to send a thank you note if I thanked the gift-giver in-person?
A: It depends! If it is a private moment between you and the gift giver, and you are able to open it and display your gratitude in that moment, a thank you card is not necessary. If you are opening a group of gifts in front of a group of people, you would still want to send individual thank you notes after the event. With that being said, I won’t advise sending one anyway either way! :)
Q: Do I need to send a thank you note for a thank you gift?
A: Technically you do not need to send a thank you note for a gift that acted as a "thank you" and was accompanied by a thank you note. However, that is not to say you should not if it was a really thoughtful gift, and you would like to formally thank the person for it.
Q: How long do I have to send a thank you note?
A: Typically, it would be best to send the note within a week of the instance that prompted the note. I would say to aim for no longer than 2 weeks from it. However, late is better than never. Let me repeat that again: late is better than never! Life happens, things come up, and it’s okay if they take you longer than you expected. Weddings, deaths, and anything to do with a new baby are instances where there is more leeway for how soon a thank you note is expected. If you feel as though your note is very delayed, you can acknowledge that in your message, but do not let it take away from the purpose of the note itself by overexplaining. A simple, "please forgive the tardiness of this note" at the end will do the trick.
Q: Where do you purchase stationery?
A: My favorite products come from Dempsey and Carroll in NYC. They have been pioneers in the stationery industry since 1878. I had the honor of collaborating with them on special OSE stationery last year! Etsy also has wonderful and affordable options. I also keep my eyes out at craft fairs!
Q: Do you have a formula for the best way to write a thank you note?
A: I sure do! Instead of beginning a thank you note with "thank you," begin with a thoughtful sentence that embodies how the gift, favor, etc. impacted you. Once you've opened with that, then you can actually say "thank you." Don't forget to name the specific gift, favor, etc. Thank you notes should be thoughtful, specific, and personalized. Let’s look at an example:
Dear Kelly,
As I sit here with the burning candle filling my home with the most incredible scent, I am so touched by how thoughtful it was of you to remember that bergamot is my favorite. Thank you so much for the beautiful candle. I will think of how fun the dinner party was every time I light it, and I look forward to our next get together.
All my love,
Dina
Bonus Tips
For a more formal approach, write out everything in full when addressing envelopes. For example, avenue instead of ave.
Historically, blue ink was used for any social related correspondence, where black ink was used for professional purposes.
It is preferred to mail handwritten notes, but it is not incorrect to hand one to someone directly (For example, a host)
“Dear” is a greeting that works for both social and professional correspondence.
The formality of your closing should match the formality of the purposee of your note. (For example, sincerely or best regards vs. with love)
Now, go write those thank you notes! :) Until next time…
