Back to Basics: RSVP Etiquette
Photo credits: Roger Wilkerson via Pinterest
RSVP Etiquette: Everything you need to know.
No Need for “Please”: “RSVP” is short for Répondez s'il vous plaît which translates to english as “please respond.” Because of this, you do not need to add “please” after you write “RSVP” as that would be redundant.
Don’t forget to respond!: One of the most common messages I get across my social media platforms is the disappointment towards how many people do not respond to invitations anymore. If an invitation comes your way, you must reply by the designated date. While much of etiquette changes and evolves as our world does, this is one of the etiquette guidelines that remains constant. You must respond! Now, if the invitation is more casual, let’s say sent through email or text, and does not have a designated reply date, you still have to notify your host whether or not you will be able to attend.
Tip: It is best to respond right away if you know whether or not you will be able to attend, that way it does not get forgotten about. Our lives are busy! Now, if you are not sure whether or not you will be able to attend when the invitation arrives, my advice is to put the invitation in your planner or calendar (either the physical invitation in a notebook style planner, or a reminder on your e-calendar) a few weeks prior to the response deadline so you do not forget.“Regrets only”: If an invitation specifies “regrets only,” you are only asked to respond if you are not able to attend. This is definitely less commonly seen today, but still may show up occasionally!
Response Cards: Response cards often accompany a more formal invitation to an event such as a wedding. Be sure to fill the response card out in its entirety, and read the envelope carefully to know exactly who was invited to the event.
Missing Responses: As the host, you have every right to reach out to your guests who have not responded by the deadline. Once the deadline has passed (we want to give people up to the deadline, of course), you can reach out to them and say something along the lines of, “Hello! We hope your invitation to our Halloween party has safely made its way to your home. Please let us know if you are able to attend. We hope to see you there!”
Allergies & Dietary Restrictions: Response discussions are often a great time to ask or notify about allergies. As the host, you can inquire about them on the response card, or you can verbally ask your guest if they have any allergies or dietary restrictions once they respond “yes” to your invitation. As the guest, if your host does not ask, when you reply “yes,” you can also add, "I want to kindly let you know that I have a severe allergy to tree nuts.”
Short and sweet is in fact best: Your response does not need to be long whether or not you will be able to attend. A yes can be as simple as “Thank you for the invitation! Jamie and I are thrilled to be able to attend.” When declining an invitation, you do not need to over explain why you are not able to attend. “We are so sorry we are not able to attend the holiday party due to a prior commitment! We hope it is a wonderful success.” Now, if you feel that your relationship with your host warrants something more than “a prior commitment,” you can be more specific with what that commitment is. The bottom line is that short and sweet is in fact best!
Do I have to send a gift?: If you are responding “no” to an event, it will depend on the type of event and your relationship with the host as to whether or not you should send a gift. Weddings, bridal showers, and baby showers are examples of events where you should plan to send a gift in your absence. If you are missing your close friend’s birthday party due to a work trip, you may want to send a gift.
A Change in Plans: While it is best to honor your response, unforeseen circumstances do come up. In my wedding guest etiquette blog post, I provide a script for you to follow if you do find yourself in the situation.
At the end of the day, responding to an invitation promptly is all about respect for our host. It is a basic yet super important part of guest etiquette!
